Grabbing Hold of the Lost Time

Rekindling the myriad memories of past, her mind was woven into the mayhem of her present, which she was not anymore in control of. Watching from her eyes, it was painful to feel the isolation which now she was victimized but still not adept to it. Every moment there was pain in her heart, which only she knew and helplessly couldn’t express it to the outer world, where she was a star. Maya established herself as a great public figure, she had it all; fame, wealth, prosperity all were now her shadow. Yet there was something missing, missing in the hidden corners of her heart, where often;  her soul would desperately go and  would keep looking and looking, trying hard to attach those torn moments of her life, she wanted them back, all of it.

In her prolong loneliness Maya would often try to link those threads which were broken long back. She came to knew never, what went wrong, why was she being subjected to this darkness!  Dwindling, slowly alongside the much desired life she now had, she waited for him to come back. Her eyes would often stare from the window, back of which she would sit to write on her writing desk, from where she wrote innumerable pieces of her excellencies, sitting on her desk, sharing the perspectives, loving and romantic fiction novels with all of them ending as “Happily Ever after”, but she knew it in her heart that her story of life wasn’t ending and shaping as she desired it to be 10 years back.

Ending, Yes, Maya knew it clear that she has arrived to the end of her life book. She couldn’t take the pain anymore of loveless, lonesome life, she gave up all her hope that Raj would ever come back. He and she were much in love, in pure blissful love, where moments they shared were all divine. Raj, in much love with Maya conveyed her love and, she as much with the same feeling agreed and they decided to live together and moved in, into a small rented apartment where they began with their life shares.

10 years back, Maya was an ordinary girl, with much ordinary life, still struggling to bring her artistry in front of the world; she was working part time doing editing jobs, writing articles and columns for less popular magazines, earning in small amounts though, but had the large scale of treasure in her lap, that of love. Raj and Maya together with each other’s contribution made the living, but money was the last thing they needed, their potion of unconditional love towards each other, was enough for them to survive even in the hardest of the times,  even during those days when they didn’t have a single penny to spare.  

But least they cared, world was the place where they lived, still they were not much a part of it. Happy in the world of own, there came the stage when things took an unexpected turn and turned this “home sweet home” of theirs into a house full of sorrows.  Maya constantly wanted to strive and excel in her caliber of writing and she did, and there came the opportunity in her life where her work got noticed by an esteemed magazine and she was hired for the editorial job with a handsome amount for every column she would write. From there on, she never looked back, from small scale of writing she now stepped into the world of book writing, of fiction, romantic novels and prose of all kind. She could now see her dreams turning into reality, shaping her much awaited future to arise from the graveyards of stagnancy.

In all this fancied moments of life throwing at her, she forgot that there was a world, a home, a soul, a lover who awaits her, her presence to be felt all the time, her laughter which made his day. Raj could see, that Maya was getting much closer to what she wanted, but much farther from whom she has loved. Raj wanted her badly, but failed to express his desires through words, and what he did, actually came as his over possessiveness which Maya couldn’t take any longer. After months and months of arguments and resentments, Maya took the first step; she decided to move on with her career which she wasn’t ready to compromise with anything in this world. Raj all left alone in this home of theirs, where they shared those golden 5 years of their lives, was left sobbing, and crying on the ground.

Maya never went back, never. Raj adamant of his male presence, went ahead with his life and became successful in his business. He never tired to reach her as well. 10 years now from the day they parted out; Maya has acquired great fame, but physically, mentally she was declining. Carrying the wounds of Cervical Cancer, for more than a year now, she was now on her death bed. She gave up all her writing and now her family was there, nurses, many caressing hands, but not the one there, her heart wanted desperately to see from the eyes.

Now, lying on her death bed, she has already purged off all her pride and ego, she could now analyze the feeling of why the chord has broken that day, but was so late to realize. She has no feeling and thirst left for what she has earned in these years of stardom. Her eyes would keep gazing and gazing at the sky, waiting, wanting someone to come, who was once so close to her. She wanted to feel his touch, his warm breath gently on her lips, her eyes as wet as ever blinked less, she didn’t wanted to miss a glimpse of this world. In her prayers she wished and fulfilled of, Raj has come, by the word sent to him from one of Maya’s relatives. Raj couldn’t believe what he was seeing; the body which he loved so much is now veiled only with a hint of skin over it, all bones. His emotions came to his mouth, he suddenly felt suffocated; suffocated with guilt, anger, regret, but has nothing left to be expressed to the one he was witnessing in front of him right now.

Maya asleep in her last sleep, was shaken awake, with a touch on her forehead, a touch she has waited for so long, warmth she wanted to be in forever. Her eyes filled with tears, were awestruck, for so many moment she kept on looking as if she was dreaming, and then the voice “Maya, Maya” brought her back to the real surface. She accumulated all of her last energy left, got up from the bed, and went into Raj’ s arms, he held her tight, she didn’t wanted to leave this embrace, the embrace she has missed for all these years. Suddenly she wanted to live again, laugh again, and dance again.

There was a soft blow of breeze into the room; Maya could feel her breath following this breeze along, uttered only three words “I love you”. A strange silence captured the room, Raj was standing with Maya’s lifeless body, tears rolling down from his cheeks, took her gently and for the first time he cried, cried as loud like a baby. Maya was released from this pain, this distress, this loathsome body which once she was very proud of. Her soul was now free. Raj sat there with her body for time unknown, looking at the window where he could see only Maya…….

*Monalisa Joshi*

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